Welcome to Cash4Access United Kingdom, where getting access to your elected representatives has never been more expensive.
Follow these three simple steps to SELL OUT YOUR COUNTRY ONLINE:
Optionally, get your secretary to do it.
Cash, wire transfer, or direct deposit with Reg at the Bank of England.
Seriously, we're really bad at detecting them.
"I donated money to the Conservative party, and in an entirely coincidental dinner party I talked to David Cameron! Then, as a complete fluke, the government introduced new policies that saved my company millions of pounds!"*
|David Cameron||Our premium offering, from £250,000. Comes with free Clegg.|
|William Hague||£100,000. If you'd like some British souvenirs, like the M25, this is the man to talk to.|
|George Osborne||£1,000. It would be more, but he doesn't really understand "decimal places".|
|Theresa May||£20,000. Minister for Equality, and Secretary of State for the Home. How the feminists haven't noticed that little in-joke yet, we're not sure.|
|£30,000. Currently unavailable due to strong demand from health companies.|
|Lembit Opik||£25. He's not a Tory, but seriously, we can't get rid of him out of Parliament. Anyone? Please?|
|How did you hear about us?|
|Interested in a happy ending?|
(£25 additional fee)
|I certify that I have a net worth above £10,000,000|
|I am interested in receiving other offers from wealthy political interests|